Fallen Angel (The List #3) Read online

  9. Get a piercing

  10. Sex on the beach

  11. Phone sex

  12. Cybersex / Sexting

  13. Tantric sex

  14. Get stoned

  15. Use food / ice sexually

  16. 69

  17. Kiss a girl

  18. Tie somebody up

  19. Be tied up

  20. Watch a porno alone

  21. Watch a porno with a partner

  22. Do a lap dance

  23. Do a strip tease

  24. Sexual role-play

  25. Make a sex tape

  26. Sex outdoors

  27. Go to strip show / live sex show

  28. Be spanked

  29. Hit somebody

  30. Kinky sex

  I’m over the halfway line now, just fourteen left to go. Admittedly it’s some of the trickier ones remaining, but with Jax as my boyfriend anything is possible.

  O.M.G. We are seeing each other! I can’t shift the goofy grin that keeps plastering itself across my face every time I think about it. God, I hope he wasn’t caught up in the moment and he’s going to wake up feeling regretful. I fold the note up and slide it into my back pocket, then carry on making his breakfast.

  Why am I trying to sabotage this already? I didn’t just hear his words last night, I felt them. He meant them just as much as I did. We have agreed to continue keeping a low profile for the time being though. As much as I’m dying to claim him in public and stand proudly beside him as his girlfriend, it’s still very early days. Plus I think we both enjoy keeping each other to ourselves so there’s no rush. He understands that Wills doesn’t count though so I can’t wait to tell her later.

  I left Jax in bed whilst I showered and dressed. I’m going into Next Chapter today. I’ve messaged Wills to arrange a much needed girly night in for tonight.

  Jax is sitting up in bed watching the news when I get back upstairs. I put the coffee and orange juice on his bedside table. Then put the tray with a bowl of chopped fruit and a bowl of cinnamon porridge oats beside him on the bed. He makes a “Mmm” growl of satisfaction but I don’t know if it was aimed at breakfast or me as he captures my wrist and pulls me down for a delightful morning kiss. He tastes minty so I know he’s brushed his teeth whilst I’ve been downstairs and I can smell his lush facial wash.

  “I could get used to this.”

  “Mmm, me too. You smell lovely.”

  “Your favourite.”

  “And you taste delicious. I don’t think I could ever tire of your lips on me.”

  “Ditto.”

  When we got into bed last night we spent a few hours talking and kissing—okay, mostly kissing. Our talking was mainly Jax asking me about the poems I’d written. He’d read them the night before the stabbing, so we’ve not had a chance to discuss them. I’m guessing they played their part in helping him understand what I’ve been going through and maybe they encouraged him to take a chance on us.

  It also reminded me of the two poems I’d written and slid under my pillow before it all kicked off Thursday night. I panicked and dived out of his bed, remembering that Jack had stayed in the guest room that night. Thankfully, they were still tucked away safely.

  Another Day

  Lying here beside you, you are my strength, you set me free

  Without realising you’ve opened your heart for me to see

  But it’s hard for me to feel close to somebody so far away

  I pray our worlds will collide, in another life, another day

  Heartbeaten

  Standing here

  Two hearts beating

  Knowing here

  One day we’ll part

  Loving you

  Whilst you’re with me

  Wishing this

  Was just the start

  My heart was pounding at the thought of Jack reading my words, especially those particular poems where I pretty much left a piece of my heart on the page.

  When I got back into bed I told Jax but said that I’m not ready for him to read them just yet. Dropping the ‘L’ bomb on our first night as a couple is almost as bad an idea as saying it when he’s a little preoccupied with stab wound. I’m not going to get burned twice by the same flame.

  My favourite part of bedtime last night, was making up silly games like taking it in turns to close our eyes and guess where the next kiss was going to land. He’d hover his mouth over his chosen spot on my body and as soon as I made my guess, he’d kiss me and we got a point for accuracy. Although we soon lost track of the points and the kisses inevitably evolved into licking, then sucking, then biting.

  Spending time with him when we’re both in a carefree state of mind was simply magical, which reassured me that we can do this. I know that he’s never been this way with anybody else, which makes it feel all the more special—as well as vulnerable.

  I smooth down my clothes and feel the crinkle of paper in my pocket.

  “Oh yeah, F.Y.I. Your friend, the Queen of Bitchcraft, she played me. She must’ve read your note on the fridge that night. Look.”

  I hand him the note.

  “Mystery solved. She’s fine now though, I told you I’d sort it.” I take the note and put it back in my pocket. “So, Bitchcraft?”

  “The art of being a bitch, whilst having you believe she’s full of good intentions. She’s definitely mastered that!” He lets out a chuckle but holds his side, reminding himself not to strain. “But, I trust you and if you say she’s cool, then so be it.” I shrug it off and take a sip of his orange juice. “Well, I’m gonna get going. Now be a good patient and eat your breakfast for Nurse Taylor.”

  “I like assertive nurse but kind nurse is also a favourite.”

  His voice is raspy and his eyes are full of devilish suggestions that invade my mind, trying to throw my plans for the day out of the window.

  “Well, if you behave yourself, maybe Nurse Taylor will come back in a few days and take real good care of you.” Jax strokes his hand down my back as I straighten up but then quickly reverses and travels back up but this time under my shirt. “Na-ah. I’ve gotta go, otherwise I’m gonna hit traffic.”

  I reluctantly pull his hand away but melt at his dramatic sad face. He pouts his bottom lip, which makes me want to bend back over and suck it. I take his thumb and suggestively suck that instead.

  “Well Nurse Taylor—” He watches my mouth. “—please make sure you’re well rested between now and Wednesday because I don’t plan on letting you get much sleep.” Wednesday can’t come soon enough. “I think we’ll both be in much better form by then.”

  I let go of his thumb and smile.

  “Eat your breakfast, Jax.”

  “One day soon, I’m gonna eat you for breakfast—in bed.”

  I clench my thighs together in response to the tightening. God, I can’t wait to have that dirty mouth between my thighs, making me feel beautiful and sexy and as high as a goddam kite. He slaps my bottom loudly, snapping me out of my filthy reverie. I need to get out of here, otherwise I’ll never leave.

  We have another slow kiss goodbye and I head out. He has given me new security codes for the doors and gates but reassured me that he changes them regularly and it’s just a precaution, there’s no real threat.

  Jax is up and about more now. Jack will be swinging by at lunchtime and again tomorrow. I’ll be back Wednesday, which seems ages away already. I’m really looking forward to seeing Wills later though.

  5:25pm

  “Care to enlighten me as to why an extra £175,000 is now sitting in my savings account, Mike?”

  “Hello to you too. It’s your half of the house, as promised. What’s the matter?”

  “Try the fact that I don’t appreciate finding out you’ve sold our house via a weekly text alert from my bank confirming my freakin’ balance! You didn’t even let me know you had a buyer!”

  “Sorry, it all happened quickly. I got some interest a week or so ago and then next thing I know, the estate agency ca
lled to confirm we had a cash buyer for the asking price and the money was being transferred for a fast-track settlement. I’ve been busy packing up—”

  “Shit, Mike. This is all so fast. So that’s it then, you’re going to Australia?”

  “Yes. I’m sending most of my belongings over there by the end of the month. I’ve got a few contracts to finish up with at work, so I’ll be travelling shortly after that. I’m actually looking forward to it. New beginnings and all that. Fresh start.”

  “Yeah, I know the feeling. Sorry for snapping at you. It was just a shock, that’s all. I know you’ve got loads on your plate. Do you think we should maybe meet for a coffee before you go or—”

  “I don’t know, Bethany, maybe. I guess that’s your call. I would like to say goodbye face to face. After everything, we did have some happy years.”

  “I’m in Devon for bank holiday weekend.”

  “Okay. Just get in touch and let me know whatever you decide. I’ll be gone by the tenth.”

  “Okay yeah, I’ll give it some thought.”

  11:02pm

  “B, I’m so happy for you. Everything’s fitting into place. But I’ll say it again, my mom would be mortified if she felt like she’d pushed you out, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need—you know that right?”

  Wills tops up our wine glasses, flicking her new bright purple highlights over her bare Spanish sun-kissed shoulders.

  “Of course I do and I’ve loved staying here with you but it’s like you said, the timing of everything is making me feel this is the right thing to do. I called Jax after I’d spoken to Mike today. We spoke about me starting to seriously look at places now I’ve got the finances ready and so he suggested I stay with him until Devon.”

  “Exactly, B. He suggested it. It’s a great idea. It’ll give you more time together, like an extended test drive.”

  “Well, it’ll give me time to find a place to rent, which means I can hopefully move straight in after our weekend away.”

  “That would be ideal, provided you find the right place. You’re more than welcome back here until you do. Remember that. So anyway, I can’t believe you’re in an actual, proper, real life, relationship with him. Talk about taming the beast… You’re going to make beautiful babies.”

  “Whoa, slow down. I’m more than happy with taking it one day at a time. Practicing making babies with him is way too much fun to be getting serious anytime soon.”

  There’s no need for her to know that Jax can’t have children. All that matters is that I’ve made the decision to start seeing him by using my heart and not my over-analytical head. I fell in love with him against my better judgement, it wasn’t a choice, it was a given and that’s the biggest wake-up call I’ve had. Hopefully one day, he’ll come to love me too.

  I’m trying not to think too far into the future but Miss Sensible, although she’s still not convinced of the decision to be with Jax, has already pointed out that should Jax ever change his mind about children, there are always ways around achieving that, like donated sperm, fostering, adoption.

  Okay, okay stop now. I want to concentrate on Jax and I for the time being. Nothing more.

  “Wow. ‘Earth to Bethany, come in Bethany’.”

  “Wow what?”

  “You. I’ve never seen you so caught up and…well, happy. It’s practically oozing out of every pore. Love damn well suits you girl! You deserve this and from the sounds of it, you’re doing a fine job at practicing too! In fact, lemme see your list.” I squint my eyes at her, considering how long to keep her in suspense. “C’mon, this is our creation remember. It seems to have played a crucial part in nabbing you the hottest man in England, now gimme.”

  In a predictably weak defeat, I throw my phone across the rug where we’re sitting in our usual spot on the floor.

  “What the fudge, B? I’ve only been gone a week. How the hell—?” I giggle at the sight of her eyes becoming wider and wider as she scrolls up and down, taking it all in. I’m immaturely, epically proud. “Shut. The. Front. Door. You have not tied Jaxson ‘built-like-a-brick-shithouse’ Carter up?”

  I knew she’d call bullshit on that one. If it wasn’t for my extremely vivid memories of that afternoon, I’d find it difficult to get my head around it too.

  “O-oh yes-s, Wills. Is it pathetic that I’m super proud of myself?”

  “Absolutely not! So you should be. Jeez, he must really trust you.”

  “Yeah, he does. He is pretty amazing. The way he makes me feel so beautiful and sexy and empowered—like nobody can please him the way that I do. Remember, we always said my aim was to let myself go so I can find my true self? Well, I feel like Jax beat me to it. He found me first without even realising and showed me the way… God, that sounds so cheesy but it’s true.”

  Wills leans over and squeezes my hand.

  “Beth, that is total cheese on toast, but it’s also awesome. The guy seriously cares about you, that much is obvious. The evidence from the get go is deafening; taking you home after finding out about Mike, taking you to the hospital, letting you stay, taking care of you, all of this—” She lets go of my hand and tosses my phone back to me. “—it’s incredible, B. I told you at the start that he was a player, but it looks like he’s willing to change the game for you. Now that is huge.”

  “I’m glad you see it the way I do. It feels so good to be with him. I really think this can work, even though we’ve had an unorthodox start.”

  “You’re preaching to the choir, B. I’m hardly one for rules. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve spent your adult life stuck in a box wearing rose tinted glasses—”

  “Cheers, Miss Warm and Fuzzy, don’t sugar-coat your opinion on my behalf.”

  “Pssh, sugar-coat, shit-coat, what’s the point? It’d be a waste of my breath when we both already know the truth. You’ve stepped outside of the box and your new lease of life is lovely to see. But, I wouldn’t be the most awesome bestest friend ever if I didn’t say that as much as I want you to throw caution to the wind, just be careful. I don’t want to see you getting hurt again.”

  “Oh I know, trust me. The difference this time is as much as it would hurt me, I’m not afraid to walk away. I’m not trying to prove anything to myself. I won’t make the same mistake as I did with Mike because I’m not trying to strap myself to a dream by trapping myself in a nightmare.”

  And I completely mean it. As much as I want to be with Jax, once bitten, twice shy.

  “That’s my girl. So… sexting then huh? Spill!”

  “Well actually… that was when I was in the bath and you were on the phone to your mom…”

  I trail off, letting her fill in the blanks.

  “Hang on, hang on, let me get this straight. Whilst I was on the phone finding out my dear grandfather had passed away, you—Miss Whiter Than White—were upstairs finger-bombing yourself in the bath to Jaxson’s smutty messages?”

  She’s trying her hardest to look serious but it’s a lame disguise hiding her obvious amusement at trying to wind me up.

  “Kinda, yeah. I obviously didn’t know you were upset otherwise…”

  “Oh just shut up and gimme back that phone. I have got to read these.” I bat her hand away. “No fair. Pleeeease.”

  “Not a chance, Wills, sorry. What I will say is that it was all him. I just had to lay back and enjoy.”

  “Argh! That is fucking sexy. My God, you’re so annoying. I think I preferred it when you were undersexed. Dammit, you’re getting more action than me for the first time and you’re not even sharing.”

  “That’s because this is different. You only ever divulge intimate details about sex with casual flings or one night stands. Jax is neither so for now all my dirty talk will be for Jax’s ears only.”

  I flash her a wicked grin and finish my wine whilst she folds her arms across her chest in a fake-ass tantrum. After a minute she caves with a massive smile and asks, “What kinda dirty talk exactly?”

  God, I l
ove her.

  Chapter Seven

  Wednesday 22nd April 2015

  11:35am

  Whilst packing up my room I reflected back to my frame of mind over a month ago when I unpacked, after splitting up with Mike. So much has happened. I’ve grown as a woman and learned more about myself during this time than I have in years.

  I have got so much to look forward to; new relationship, new place and a new buzz about Next Chapter.

  I bounced some ideas off Ed yesterday, which gave us both a boost of enthusiasm. I’m attending a seminar for small businesses in London at the end of next month to help keep my creative juices flowing. I’m hoping it’ll give me enough food for thought that I’ll be able to make some decisions about where I’m taking the business next. In the meantime, Ed has trained Holly up like I asked, so if I do end up expanding, she’s ready to step up and cover Ed should I need his experience elsewhere.